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2016 Power Rankings-Playoffs 4
<---Playoffs 3 Introduction Another year down. Another year closer to the end of all life on Earth. Congratulations to The Shotti Bunch on their second trophy in two years, their third in four. Yes, when all was said and done the season ended about as predictably as the ending of The Sixth Sense: all of us were dead the whole time. We just didn’t see the clues. Now that the season is over I finally have some time to think. And a great thing happened today: I had time to work on the power rankings for the first time in weeks. My boss said “Yeah, do whatever. And leave whenever the fuck you want. I don’t care.” It was awesome! The bad news is she said that because she got fired and the new boss is coming in tomorrow to clean house. So while I’m probably out on the streets with no job, no source of income, and no championship money to help pay the rent, I DO have a plethora of time to finish this shit up and get things rolling for the offseason. The Naming Tournament This has gone on long enough. It is time to name the trophy. Paddock 9 had a great idea for how we should do this and so we goin’ with it! What should the trophy be called? The Pat sucks at Fantasy Trophy? The Matt is Gay Trophy? The Shotti? The Belichick? Here are the rules of The Naming Tournament: * Each team manager will submit two names to the commish, setting up a 20-team bracket. * If a manager chooses not to submit two names, the commish will randomly draw a name out of a hat to determine which manager gets to submit a third name. But don’t be that person. Submit two names. * ALL SUBMISSIONS WILL BE ANONYMOUS. * You cannot submit your name or any of your team names as an option. ** Someone else may submit your name or any of your team names but not their own. * The Commish cannot vote in the tournament at any point or veto once the tournament bracket is set. This ensures no tying and no favoritism by the one person who knows whose names are whose. * The bracket will be set randomly. No one will have both of their submissions face each other at any point unless they make it to the final two. * Submit Names by Divisional Weekend 1/14/17. The bracket will be created and the tournament will begin! The voting schedule will coincide with the playoffs, with the final results being released on Super Bowl Sunday, February 5th, 2017. Collect Your Winnings This section is for Shotti and JarJar and anyone else who is using the "Fantasy Wallet" in any other leagues. If you are a loser you can skip. So this is the first year that we are trying the fantasy wallet on Yahoo. I know this isn’t the most convenient thing for the winners, but you have to meet me halfway on this one. It’s too difficult to chase everyone down for money before the season starts and in some cases have to front money for people. I won’t name names but over the years I’ve gone out of pocket one too many times on fantasy. SO, HOW THIS WORKS IS: Shotti and Jar Jar, you two have winnings to collect. # On your computer, go to the league home page. # Under the “Football ‘16” dropdown menu, select “wallet.” # Link your PayPal account. If you do not have one, you have to get one. That is where this is inconvenient, I know. But honestly, it takes five minutes and PayPal is dope to have, trust me. If it’s too annoying for you, give me your Yahoo login and I’ll link my own Paypal account and take your money no problem. # Once you have a PayPal account and it is linked, you should be able to withdraw your funds. # I’ve never won shit in my life so I don’t know what happens after that. I assume you can then go to your PayPal account and transfer the funds from your PayPal to your bank account. This is all free by the way, it just takes like two minutes. # If this is confusing, you can text me. Funds should already be in your account, but if they are not in there by the end of the week hit me again and I’ll check on it. # Shotti you should have $120 from my league. JarJar you should have $30. Trade Tracker Trade tracker is keeping us apprised of the ramifications of the trade between Paddock 9 and MMMS. In the first and third columns, the points scored by traded players in starting lineups (if they are benched, those points are not tallied). Per player average took the total points and divided by the total number of starts so far. For example, P9 has started Denver D seven times and Landry five, so twelve starts total. MMMS has gotten fifteen starts out of the four acquired players. STAT NOTES * With 124.26, MMMS has scored the 3rd lowest point total in the postseason of all time. * With 140.28, Peeled Eggplant has scored the 9th lowest point total in the postseason of all time. * With 158.24, Deez Sons of Bitchez has scored the 2nd lowest point total by a winning team in the postseason of all time. * With 189.66 in week 15, Peeled Eggplant has scored the 7th lowest point total by a winning team in the postseason of all time. * This is no surprise but The Shotti Bunch is now the leading postseason scorer. * I know it doesn’t mean much but I have started a new stat page for bye weeks points scored. * 2016 Post-season scoring leaders has been created. All stat pages regarding playoff games has been updated. * RIPDab becomes the 3rd team to reach 19,000 combined points scored. * TSB finishes 0.19 points away from being the 6th team to reach 18,000 combined points scored. I daresay he’ll be back in 2017 to finish the job. Championship Game Recap All Hail the LOC King! What Shotti was able to accomplish this year is nothing short of astonishing. When GBM swooped in and nabbed Gronk, knowing full well that Shotti had his eyes on the Patriots Tight End, Shotti took AJ Green instead. When GBM drafted Danny Woodhead, Shotti took Melvin Gordon instead. And when Gronk went down, who was there? AJ Green with another stellar season. When Woodhead went down, who was there? Gordon with a breakout year. And when the championship game came around and both Green and Gordon were ruled out, who was there but an arsenal of backups who had played all season as starters, just waiting for their chance to shine. Shotti’s team had the ability to adapt like an octopus to whatever the environment threw at him. If they needed to change colors, fit into small crevices, pull 250 points out of their tentacles, they could. And did. Every single week. No team had ever gone over 200 in all 13 regular season games, let alone all 13 regular season games and all three post-season weeks. The Shotti Bunch did. Without exaggeration, we have witnessed the best season by a team in LoC history. How the fuck did he do that? The Shotti Bunch never skipped a beat this season, and with Gordon, Miller and Green all out they still managed over 250 points for the eighth time this season. They are now on a four game streak of games over 250 dating back to week 12 of the regular season, a streak we will monitor in 2017. While many figured this one was over before it started, there is a reason why we play the game. And JarJar gave it their all. With 207.42 they would have beaten four of the other six other teams that played in week 16, including the disappointing 10-3 GBM. OBJ and Jennings started things off right on Thursday night and had JJ ahead of their projections heading into the weekend. While Luck had a great day with over 40 points, it was clear early on that JJ would need the rest of their guys to have the games of their careers to keep up with Shotti. Shotti had six players go over 20 points, four players go over 30 points, and Doug Baldwin go over 50. Tyreek Hill broke yet another 40+ yard TD and LeSean McCoy was once again the entire Buffalo Bills offense. The drama was over by the time Dez Bryant threw a touchdown pass on Monday night, the trophy already being marked by Shotti’s fingerprints. He has now beaten three unique teams in the championship game. The other two teams have not won a championship bracket game since losing to them in the championship game (Peeled Eggplant 0-2 in 2014 and then back to back consolation tournaments). What does this mean for the future of Jar Jar Stinks!? If You’re Not First, You’re Last... ...But there is one team that is really definitely last and that team is ma ma momma said. This is the second time MMMS has finished the postseason in last place. They finished 12th back in 2011, the only season that consisted of more than ten teams. Strangely, and sadly, the 9th place game was the most exciting of all the matchups, with two teams that performed very well despite their recent struggles. Papa’s Posse, whose team’s mantra is “Don’t finish last,” must have sent a little extra prayer to the Fantasy Gods because after four straight games under 200 points they wrangled a 230+ performance out of their hapless squad. San Diego defense led the way with an astonishing 50 points against Cleveland in a game that Cleveland actually won. Todd Gurley had his third best game of the season, which isn’t saying much. And Stafford, although disappointing, held his own against the Cowboys defense after Carson Palmer put up 33 on the bench. MMMS, meanwhile, really put up a fight. Kelce was an absolute monster with 160 receiving yards on 11 receptions and a touchdown. But Kelce and Winston helped shroud the truth of this team’s inadequacy. Six players scored under 10 points, including Tyler Lockett, Mike Wallace and Baltimore Defense. MMMS chased a lot of great week 15’s and all the boom or bust players busted. I daresay this team will perform better with great draft picks next season. As for Papa’s Posse, the team has finished 9th twice but never last. And the First Pick of the First Pick of the 2017 Draft Goes To… Deez Sons of Bitchez. Congratulations. Their season was an absolute disaster from nearly start to finish but they pulled it together to go 2-0 in the consolation tournament. Granted if you look at the scores you may cringe. Dee won by putting up a whopping 158.24 in the 7th place game in week 16, the second lowest point total by a winning team in postseason history. Mark Ingram and DeSean Jackson were two bright spots on an otherwise crappy roster, with Doug Martin putting up a goose egg and then promptly getting suspended. I was so fucking right about Doug Martin and Jamaal Charles that I want to cry. If I had been this right about just one thing to do with my team I might not be such a postseason loser. But I digress. This matchup was sneaky intense. Both of these teams were projected to finish at the top of the league this season and neither did much of anything until they hit the consolation bracket. But Dee has a hidden passion that comes out when she smells blood in the water. Eggplant’s team was shockingly bad. It seems like maybe they didn’t bother setting their lineup, even with the draft pick command on the line. My hope was that it would make this game matter enough that people would want to win, but apparently winning doesn’t matter to some of these teams. It truly does show with their performance the last couple of seasons. The Fantasy Gods continue to punish those who refuse to set their lineups. Cam Newton was never a good fantasy QB this season, but this was within the manager’s power to change. Instead they rotated out tight ends and defenses most of the season. I will say this for Eggplant. With their win over Papa’s Posse in week 15 they move into a tie for first with Paddock 9 for the most consolation tournament wins (excluding 9th place games) with four. Paddock 9 has always claimed the throne in the Underground but there may be a new Underground King next season if Peeled finds themselves winning in the consolation tournament come 2017. So Dee will decide who picks 1-4 out of Peeled, MMMS, Papa and themselves. 2017 Draft Order Because of their win in the Consolation Tournament, Dee will decide the top four spots. To be clear, they assign these spots to the four teams that finished 7th-10th in the consolation tournament. What do the draft stats of the first six years tell us about the draft order? Not much. The 8th pick averages the best finish at 4.5th place and also is tied for the most top 3 finishes with 3. However, the 4th pick has produced three top 3 finishes as well, and the 6th and 7th picks have each produced 2 champions. The 1 seed seems to be a death sentence, with the 1st overall pick finishing 8th, 9th, and 8th in the last three seasons. 2016 was the first year a QB was not taken in the first round. It was also the first year that the WR was taken more than the RB. #Deez Sons of Bitchez/Peeled Eggplant/Papa’s Posse/ma ma momma said #Peeled Eggplant/Papa’s Posse/ma ma momma said/Deez Sons of Bitchez #Papa’s Posse/ma ma momma said/Deez Sons of Bitchez/Peeled Eggplant #Ma ma momma said/Deez Sons of Bitchez/Peeled Eggplant/Papa’s Posse #HELLEVATOR MVP #Paddock 9 #Garoppoblow Me #RIPDab #JarJar Stinks! #The Shotti Bunch Keepers are Coming to the LoC This is it people. The time has come. In 2015 I said “holy shit I can’t believes we’re talking about 2017.” And now guess what? It’s fucking 2017. In this, the year 2017, every team will be allowed to keep two players from their final roster at the start of the season. Your player will cost you a draft pick. If the player was drafted it costs you a pick higher than where they were drafted (a player drafted in the 15th costs you a 14th). A player grabbed off free agency that was not drafted costs you a 6th automatically. A player drafted, dropped, and picked up by another player, still costs you whatever pick they were drafted. Don't panic. The commish is here to answer all of your draft day keeper questions. I'll go into more detail as we get closer and no one needs to worry. Change is scary. It can be tough. But it will be good for you. Like Chantel slowly converting to a Patriots fan. Change is inevitable. It's part of being human. And it's okay. Give in. Third for a Third Time For the third time in six years, RIP has lost a semifinals game and finished 3rd. The fourth time they lost the semifinals game they finished fourth. All four semifinals losses have come against the team that would go on to be the league champion (3X Shotti, 1X Papa’s Posse). Their score this week was astronomical, enough to have beaten every other team in the league. So if you had placed your bets for RIP to be the team that would score a billion points in a consolation game and then say that this was proof they deserved to win the league, come collect your profit! For GBM, a lackadaisical performance. Despite clearing 190 again, they really didn’t put any effort into setting their lineup. At one point they thought they subbed out Robby Anderson for Michael Thomas but had subbed out Isaiah Crowell instead (common mistake) and it cost them 25 points. But what did it matter really? Both postseason games they have been in they would not have beaten their opponent even with an optimal lineup. This is two straight seasons with a pathetic performance when it mattered most. When will one of these teams get over the hump? In recent years they have really been in the mix, with back to back bye years for GBM and back to back third place years for RIP. At some point one of these two will have to break through. It's basic probability. RIGHT?? Good Job, Good Effort For the third time this season and the second time in the playoff all-time, Paddock 9 defeated MVP. Finishing 5th place is a nice touch for a decent season for P9, and it ties their best finish ever. But you have to imagine they wanted more for their three mid-round draft picks and valuable keeper Jay Ajayi. Paddock 9 is the only male manager in the league to be winless in the Champions Bracket of all the teams to ever play in the dance (defunct or active), but they are undefeated in 5th place games which is more than four of the five other teams to participate in that game can say. MVP, meanwhile, is one of those rare teams that has never finished in the same spot twice. With their loss to Paddock 9 they have now finished in 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 5th, 6th and 10th in their six seasons. 2016 was the first year they didn’t win at least one playoff game in the Champions Bracket. They are currently on an 0-4 postseason streak after winning the championship game in 2014. Average Finish by team Top Questions for Each Franchise #The Shotti Bunch: Can Shotti win without the run? In the years he has dominated it has been by the grace of the run game. If the league adapts by finding a way to remove all the talented run options, will TSB succeed with the passing game in 2017? #Jar Jar Stinks: After missing the draft in 2016 because he was putting his kids to bed, what can we expect from a non-autodafted JJ Stinks next season? #RIPDab: What heights could this team reach if they found a way to obtain a top-10 QB and defense for the entire season? #Garoppoblow Me: Despite scoring over 190 every single week, how much of this team’s 2016 success was a result of their piece of cake schedule, and how will an assuredly more difficult schedule in 2017 alter their record? #Paddock 9: Did injuries doom a team on the rise or was their 5th place finish an aberration? Is a resettling in order next year? #Reign Maker: Seeing as being in the top of the draft order and bottom of the draft order has proven disasterous for RM, how will being in the middle of the pack change the start of the season for RM in 2017? #Deez Sons of Bitchez: With the order of the first four picks in their control, how will this team manager’s decision determine which teams rise from the ashes of their terrible 2016 campaign and which remain in the basement for another season? #Peeled Eggplant: Where the fuck has Peeled Eggplant been these last two seasons? They are in the longest active playoff drought out of all ten teams and have been an absolute non-factor for almost 30 games. Can they show up in 2017? #Papa’s Posse: We know this team has a soft spot for veterans, but is 2017 the year that they finally do the draft research they swear they’re going to do every off-season and bring in young guns with high ceilings to break out of the middle of the pack? #Ma ma momma said: Injuries really killed a team that has dominated the league for the better part of the decade, but the megatrade worked heavily in their favor. How will the traded draft picks affect the way MMMS builds their team in 2017? This is Not Goodbye, This is See You Later... Last year I remarked that the 17 weeks of fantasy football went by faster than ever before and that 2016 would probably go by even faster. And it sure did. In 2014 I was living in New York the entirety of the season. In 2015 I was living in Utah the entirety of the season. In 2016 I was living in Georgia the entirety of the season. The last three years have been really inconsistent and crazy for me, but the one constant has been the nine of you and this fantasy league. I have the best friends and the best fantasy league on this fucking earth. I don't care if other leagues pay more or have a better scoring system or have managers that all know their shit and are crazy experts. THIS is the best league because it has the best assortment of people, the greatest stories, the funniest failures. It is the best league not because I write these rankings every week (okay, if you guys insist, I guess that is pretty awesome) but because each of you contributes something unique to create something I think is pretty cool and maybe a little special. This season may have been an almost carbon copy of last, with three of the top four finishing in the same positions as last season, but that doesn't say anything about what 2017 will hold. Maybe 2017 is the year for JarJar. Maybe this is the year Dee breaks the glass ceiling. Paddock 9 breaks the Jurassic ceiling. Maybe this is the year the commish beats the MattJinx. Maybe this is the year RIP stops beating himself. Maybe someone will drop out at the last minute and we'll have a brand new team. Maybe it will be the third straight season with the same ten managers. Players will get hurt. Players will have breakout years. We'll do more challenges like "Survivor" with rewards and incentives. Teams will win by one point. Teams will lose by one point. And we'll be here to go through all the struggles and triumphs and cocky memes and penis gifs together. Here is to another year of The League of Champions.